I wanna be sedated

I feel like I'm constantly making bad choices under the guise of "I don't care." Meaning: I don't care at the moment, but I'm gonna care the sh*t out of it later. For moments at a time, this "I don't care" allows me to let go of every thing...every feeling, every reservation, it goes away and a smile spreads across my face like I'm working up an evil plan in my head. But it's just me, letting it all go. Not caring. For a short, but sweet moment. Now I just need to transcend this moment into my entire life. Right now, I'm fuming about something I'd rather not discuss. I just don't feel like going into it. But I just need to find that thing that's going to make me smile and realize that it's not that big of a deal. That it's not worth really giving a f*ck about. I don't know. When I get in these moods, I feel like I just need to write it out. Maybe I should get a diary. Something pink w/ a lock.
Reagan